secure or trap? commitment or jail? marriage is what you make it.

Secure By Design!

I don’t know many people who would enthusiastically embrace an unstable relationship. Most people don’t want to go through life with a feeling of insecurity and yet many don’t feel safe in their marriage. Ironically that’s when a lot of people feel trapped. In the same way anyone would want to escape a falling building, people want to get out of a relationship that is falling apart. Marriage wasn’t designed to be unstable but nor should it feel like a sentence to be served. Marriage is what God calls a covenant, and He models it in His relationship with us.

Secure for Life

I am happy that marriage is a covenant. I enjoy the security that Lainey and I have within our marriage. I like that we are both committed to each other and to making our life together work. I am happy that there can be no situation or circumstance that is so bad that it would cause us to abandon each other. I am glad that when Lainey and I said our vows to each other we both understood that this was a lifelong commitment. That was the ‘until death do us part’ element of the promises we made to each other.

Secure in all Circumstances

For some couples, however, marriage is entered with small print secretly stashed away inside the heart. “Yes I mean these vows, but if circumstances change then I reserve the right to leave, to move on”. I find it hard to understand why so many couples want to treat marriage as a contract when doing so brings instability to their relationship. The truth is, all marriages have periods of marital trouble and strife from time to time. At these times the relationship needs the commitment to work through the issues together. The security God wants us to experience isn’t just reserved for calm waters.

Get Out of Jail Free Card

If one or both has access to their “fine print” conditions then the needed commitment to the relationship does not exist. All too often divorce is the result. Divorce is not a get out of jail free card. You can’t have true freedom in your relationship until it’s secure. The fine print becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – the decision to reserve the option to divorce often brings the fruit of that decision. If you have been guilty of that ask God to help eradicate the insecurities in your relationship.

Security is not the same thing as confinement. Marriage is where you should be free to be you. Share on X

If you or your spouse entered marriage holding a get-out clause in the back of your mind, then there is only one way to gain security and peace of mind in your relationship. Take time to discuss the fine print and decide to rip up the get-out clause. Stop treating your marriage like a contract and instead start protecting your marriage covenant together. The benefits will be security in your relationship which far outweighs the responsibility of honouring your marriage covenant. You will have a relationship in which you don’t feel trapped or confined but one in which you are free to be you.


Bringing Worlds Together Book

Many couples struggle to get on the same page in marriage. Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years Bringing Worlds Together will help you blend together. Expect to learn more about your spouse, gain insight and be challenged.

Are you ready to move closer rather than drift apart?

Available in print and ebook formats.

Adjusting Expectations Book

No-one enters marriage expectation free. Adjusting Expectations helps identify how expectations were formed and whether or not they were realistic. Most expectations need some adjustment; they are often too high but can also be set too low. The good news is expectations can be reset!

Find out what you should expect and what God expects from you.

Available in print and ebook formats.

Improving Communication Book

Most couples would willingly admit that their communication could do with some improvement; although many people also point the finger of blame squarely at their spouse for communication failures. Whether you believe it’s your fault, their fault or that you’re both to blame, this book is for you! There is always room for improvement.

Available in print and ebook formats.

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