Being married doesn’t eliminate the feeling of being used that we can sometimes experience. We are particularly sensitive to the motive of our spouse but can be prone to misread those intentions especially if we have been hurt in the past.
Recently on facebook I came across a quote, “People were created to be loved, things were created to be used”. There is a lot of truth in that statement. We can change the dynamic of marriage by keeping that thought in mind.
I always love looking at word definitions. www.dictionary.com defined ‘used’ as the following:
- previously used or owned; secondhand: a used car.
- showing wear or being worn out.
- employed for a purpose; utilised.
Have you ever owned a new car? The ‘new car smell’, polished upholstery, comfortable seats and unscuffed car mats give you a feeling of pride and joy. You want to show that car to everyone and you take care to rub off even the slightest mark. As time goes by your zeal diminishes. You put your feet on the upholstery, the seats have stains, the car mat is littered with paper and instead of a sense of pride a sense of shame creeps in.
When you are first married time and effort goes into the relationship. You care for your spouse and have a sense of pride. As time goes on though it is easy to become too familiar with one another. When you move into that phase instead of showing love it is too easy to fall into the trap of using one another.
In fact, the marriage starts to show characteristics similar to those of the second description. It is showing wear and tear, in other words, you can see the signs of neglect. Disgruntled spouses often feel tired and unappreciated. Instead of being cared for they become part of the furniture, just something else to be utilised.
If you reverse your thinking and start finding ways to demonstrate your love for your spouse your marriage will transform. Instead of asking what can my spouse do for me ask what can I do for my spouse.
John 13:34-35
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
