For the most part many couples don’t understand the importance of establishing healthy family boundaries when they first get married, and parents don’t practice it well either. Son’s are still tied to their mother’s apron strings and daughter’s remain “daddy’s little girl”. Parental dependence makes it impossible to create a healthy marriage relationship. As newly-weds it’s important to agree about where a healthy family boundary lies and stick to it.
Growing up and growing into the marriage relationship requires a process that the Bible calls “Leaving and Cleaving” Cleaving is a very old fashioned word but it means being glued together. You have said your vows to one another and established a new family but you must follow through with your actions.
First things first… You have to leave before you can cleave.
Step One – Leave the parental home
In today’s economy it is very tempting to cut some costs by living with your parents. You may not have a problem with it but inevitably your spouse will! Physically leaving home is the first step towards independence and is a sign to the parents that you are building a life with your new family.
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
Some couples expect the unity but they are unwilling to leave their parents. They may have taken step number one i.e. leaving the parental home but they may not have taken step number two.
Step Two – Emotionally leave
It might seem a little basic but many couples have never emotionally “left” their father and mother. It is important to acknowledge that the marriage union should be stronger than any other. Blood might be thicker than water but covenant is stronger than blood! Now that you are in a marriage covenant it is vital that your marriage relationship comes first.
When you emotionally leave you are not breaking relationship. The relationship changes form, you are no longer reliant or dependant on your parents for your needs or for decision making. You can still have a friendship and respect for your parents but your primary responsibility is now your spouse.
Are there other issues you struggle with as newly-weds? We would love to hear from you and tackle some of your questions!
by Lainey Hitchman
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