Let’s face it; having any relationship, never mind an intercultural one, often means having to learn to jump over hurdles. You have to clear the ‘meet the family’ hurdle, the ‘get the family’s approval’ hurdle, make a culturally acceptable proposal hurdle’ and get married hurdle. The bad news is you haven’t finished the race. There are still hurdles you will need to learn to jump.
I don’t mean for this to sound negative. In fact seeing hurdles can be a positive thing especially if you learn how to overcome them. That’s why it is important to identify your marriage expectations and determine the potential hurdles coming your way. Being proactive about your relationship will enable you to avoid a lot of failures.
“Where the loser saw barriers, the winner saw hurdles.”
Robert Brault
Identify the Hurdles
The first hurdle you need to overcome isn’t an event or a set of circumstances. Your first hurdle is your expectations. Everyone enters marriage with a dream of what it is going to be like. Often couples wear rose coloured glasses and believe that the struggles that other couples encounter will never happen to them. Even when presented with a volume of information about some of the potential conflicts in a cross-cultural marriage they stick to their, ‘It will never happen to us’ philosophy.
Setting yourself realistic expectations not only reduces the risk of disappointment but it equips you to be proactive in your relationship. If you know some of the common things a cross-cultural relationship can trip over then you are ahead of the field.
- How have you navigated family hurdles in the past?
- What are some of the family hurdles facing you both?
- Do you tend to navigate family hurdles in unity as a couple or do you have a different opinion on how to handle them?
An extract from Family Connections, book 3 in our cross-cultural marriage series.
