I love you, it's not enough to say it, show it.
A woman once complained to her husband about his lack of communication, he never encouraged her or said those three important words “I love you”. His response to the criticism was, “I told you I loved you on our wedding day, if that ever changes I will let you know”.

This story always raises a smile but the truth is that many of us struggle to communicate our feelings and leave important things unsaid. Without reassurance of love and loyalty feelings of insecurity can develop. You really do need to spell out your feelings for each other.

Without reassurance of love and loyalty insecurity develops. Spell out your feelings for each other Share on X

You communicate via your words, your actions and your attitudes. The words “I love you” can sound empty or meaningless if your actions and your attitudes don’t line up with the sentiment.

Love is a verb.

You can express your love through touch, a hug, a kiss or holding each other’s hands. Love might also be expressed by helping with the dishes or making your loved one a cup of coffee. Don’t dismiss small things – they make all the difference!

Respect goes hand in hand with love.

Saying “I love you” without treating your spouse with respect negates the statement. If you criticise your spouse, side with the kids against them, put them down in public or belittle their input in decision-making then you need to repent. Ask God to forgive you for your attitude and ask your spouse to do the same. Start looking for the positive things, pay compliments when they do something that deserves encouragement and remember to say thank you when they do something for you.

Don’t put conditions on your love.

The “I’ll love you if …” mentality results in a love that is conditional. This isn’t the way God loves us and shouldn’t be the way we love each other. “I’ll love you if you lose some weight”, “I’ll love you if you get your hair cut”, “I’ll love you if you stop that bad habit” will not create an environment of mutual love and trust. Withholding love as a punishment is a dangerous game to play.

Make “I love you” deposits.

Don’t just say “I love you” minutes before you go to bed. If you haven’t invested time, energy and effort in the relationship during the day your motives will be obvious and the words will sound insincere. We once heard a teaching about a “love bank”. You need to invest in your spouse’s “love bank” if you want to make a ‘withdrawal’. You can invest by being affectionate, being helpful, showing interest and being there for your spouse.

Spell it out.

If you have fallen into the trap of thinking those three little words don’t mean much its time to ‘Spell it out’. Don’t assume that your spouse can read your mind, you need to clearly communicate your love.

by Lainey Hitchman

Bringing Worlds Together Book

Many couples struggle to get on the same page in marriage. Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years Bringing Worlds Together will help you blend together. Expect to learn more about your spouse, gain insight and be challenged.

Are you ready to move closer rather than drift apart?

Available in print and ebook formats.

Adjusting Expectations Book

No-one enters marriage expectation free. Adjusting Expectations helps identify how expectations were formed and whether or not they were realistic. Most expectations need some adjustment; they are often too high but can also be set too low. The good news is expectations can be reset!

Find out what you should expect and what God expects from you.

Available in print and ebook formats.

Improving Communication Book

Most couples would willingly admit that their communication could do with some improvement; although many people also point the finger of blame squarely at their spouse for communication failures. Whether you believe it’s your fault, their fault or that you’re both to blame, this book is for you! There is always room for improvement.

Available in print and ebook formats.

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