The wedding ceremony in the West is symbolic of what needs to take place for a marriage to be successful. The in-laws are involved in the wedding ceremony but do they really have any idea how significant their part is? The father walks down the aisle with his daughter and stands at the front of the church with her. The minister asks ‘who gives this woman to be married to this man’ and the father indicates that he does. The bride then moves to her bridegroom’s side symbolising that she has left her family to be united to her husband. For the new father-in-law letting go of his little girl is one of the most difficult challenges he will face.
Giving your child to their spouse is difficult but releasing them is important. Click To Tweet
Giving your child to their spouse is often an extremely difficult thing to do. You love them, you care for them and you want to keep them where they will be safe. Giving though is an important part of releasing them into a successful marriage.
We attended one wedding which had a little twist on the normal traditions. Both the groom’s parents and bride’s parents stood at the front of the church with their ‘children’. The parents released them and prayed a blessing over them and their marriage. It was a very powerful ceremony because both sets of parents realised this new season of life for both the newlyweds as well as for the parents themselves.
To release your loved one it’s important to trust their spouse. Your son’s new bride may not be able to cook or clean as well as you but she hasn’t had the years of practice you have had. Be supportive rather than critical. You may not approve of their taste in décor or the organisation of their home but try to resist the temptation to interfere. Accept them and their little quirks rather than seeing them as a threat.
Fathers often find it difficult to trust their sons-in-law to provide financially and physically for their daughter. The temptation to step in and take up that role again is very strong. You need to stop yourself from fulfilling that urge, allow them to find their feet. Respect their new season in life and allow them to make their own mistakes. If you are asked for advice, then by all means give it but check that they are coming into agreement together and encourage them as they work out solutions to their problems together.
As your children move into this next phase of life you become a coach rather than a decision maker. A coach encourages their children to be successful and that includes being successful in their marriage.
Encourage means to deposit courage, bravery, boldness and assertiveness. You have an incredible opportunity to bless your son or daughter in this important time of their life. If you haven’t been an encourager then you need to repent. Ask God to forgive you, it may also be appropriate to ask your family to forgive you too.
Help your children untie the apron strings,
you are in a new phase of life now.
Embrace it.
By Lainey Hitchman
