There seems to be an increasing trend of parental dependence amongst young adults. This dependence can last well into their thirties and is a problem that is not exclusive to single adults! It’s important to recognise any negative patterns and break free from them. Dependency patterns are of critical importance to break!
Financial dependency is evident especially when children have been raised in relatively affluent homes where resources are abundant. Reluctant to sacrifice their lifestyle the ‘pocket money’ generation extends far beyond what is reasonable. If you fall into this category it’s important to learn how to live within a budget. Not your parents budget but your own! It will require sacrifice but those sacrifices will be great ‘teachers’ along the way. Start making your spending decisions on your needs rather than your wants. We’d recommend doing a course such as Dave Ramsey’s ‘Financial Peace University‘ to get you started on the journey.
Financial dependency however is only one aspect of the dependency problem though. Many young adults (or older) are unable to find their feet emotionally either. Part of the problem stems from the home modelling dependence rather than interdependence. The child becomes an adult but is ill equipped to make life decisions on their own; they are still dependent on a strong figure within the parental home to make life choices for them. It might seem strong but GROW UP! It’s important to learn to establish healthy boundaries in your family relationships. If you are looking for a spouse but haven’t dealt with this aspect of your character yet, then you are also looking for trouble.
For those young adults who do break free they often go to the other extreme of becoming completely independent. They will have little or no communication with their parents often out of fear of being dragged back under their control. Independence is often a condition that many people seek, they want to be able to support themselves and become a self-sufficient member of society. We would suggest that whilst needing to grow up and stand on your own two feet there is also the need for family relationships. We have the opportunity of finding love and support in a family that knows how to live with healthy boundaries. The interdependent family will help each other out, laugh when you laugh, and cry when you cry and generally offer a wealth of blessings.
Just as it is important to break physical and emotional dependency patterns it’s also important to break spiritual dependencies. We aren’t talking about rejecting fellowship. The Bible clearly states that it is vital to keep meeting with other believers. We aren’t talking about never taking spiritual counsel or advice, again the Bible is really clear that having a number of counsellors is wise. Nor are we talking about rejecting discipleship. So what is spiritual dependency?
Spiritual dependency is when you trust someone else’s counsel more than you trust the voice of the Holy Spirit in your life. If you struggle to identify what God is saying to you then that is an area you need to mature in. If someone is speaking into your life they should be encouraging you to: grow spiritually, test what they are saying and hear the voice of the Holy Spirit for yourself. If you feel that you are lacking in this area and have become spiritually dependent then ask God for help to grow and mature. If you identify areas in which someone’s spiritual advice is bordering on control then draw healthy boundaries. It is okay to disagree!
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