When you come home it should feel like an oasis, a haven and a place where you belong, yet many struggle with going home because it doesn’t feel like any of the above. There may be a welcome mat at the front door, but unfortunately many people struggle to feel welcome in their own homes.
Your interaction with each other when one of you arrives home says a lot about the condition of your relationship.
- “Good, you’re back, now I can give you a piece of my mind.”
Being met with anger or accusation about what you did or didn’t do is incredibly destructive. Instead of it being a joy to return home it is something you begin to face with trepidation. Giving someone a piece of your mind is not the same as making your home a place of peace. If you are guilty of doing this, then apologise to your spouse and ask their forgiveness. Giving someone a piece of your mind is no way to say ‘welcome home.’
- “I’m glad you’re home now you can help with the kids.”
The reality of parenting is that it can often be exhausting and stressful but think about the message you’re sending your spouse if this is the way you greet them. You are communicating that you are glad they are back but simply because you need help. Their worth to you is an additional pair of hands. Their value has been reduced from a loving spouse to an employee. You might need help with the kids but don’t make that the first thing that you say to your spouse when they come home.
- “Oh, you’re home.”
Indifference is a relationship killer. You don’t care if they are home and you aren’t bothered if they are away. You live in separate spheres and have learned to avoid interaction pretty well. There is no excitement, no heart flutter, no feeling between you. Passiveness can be turned back into passion with just a little bit of effort, don’t allow yourself to remain in this condition. Ask God to help reignite your love and desire for one another.
- “Did you remember to get the groceries?”
The errand runner has returned, and your focus is on what they bring rather than them. On a practical basis, of course, it is necessary to nip out the shops and buy things or stop on the way home and pick up the dry cleaning. Studies have shown though that often the messages couples send each other transform from their dating days to married life. Messages of ‘I love you’ turn into ‘stop for milk on the way home’, ‘I miss you’ to ‘what time are you back?’ Don’t fall into the trap of reducing your spouse to the ‘go for’ person.
- “You’re late.”
Frosty receptions are as uncomfortable as angry outbursts. Some homes may have central heating but function at a below-freezing temperature. Hurts and wounds of the past have turned down the temperature of the relationship and the Baltic conditions of the home freeze one another out. Many couples resort to coldness to punish one another for something. You may get some satisfaction in doing that, but it will never mend a relationship! Defrost your hearts. Forgive one another and purpose to open your heart to one another again.
Are you guilty of any of the above? Are there other ways that aren’t a good way to say ‘welcome home’ that you have learned?
Many couples struggle to get on the same page in marriage. Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for years Bringing Worlds Together will help you blend together. Expect to learn more about your spouse, gain insight and be challenged.
Are you ready to move closer rather than drift apart?
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No-one enters marriage expectation free. Adjusting Expectations helps identify how expectations were formed and whether or not they were realistic. Most expectations need some adjustment; they are often too high but can also be set too low. The good news is expectations can be reset!
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Available in print and ebook formats.